by - January 24, 2014

Some days ago Demi and I talked about fainting. Because you know, talking about museums get boring from time to time so we like to jazz it up with our (horrible) life experiences. Demi talked about how she once fainted against a mirror (which she doesn't recommend). I stated that I've only fainted three times in my life, with two of them on the same day. However last monday (appropiately called blue monday) I was in hospital and they -mainly the doctor- wanted a blood sample. Suddenly it struck me that I've fainted more than three times in my life... way more.

I suffer from great anxiety, phobias and whatnot and one of those are (of course) needles and blood. It so happens to be that when they -mainly the doctor- want a blood sample, they get the needles out which simultaneously means that there's going to be blood. *and faint*

I don't have troubles with fake blood, but ones the label real hangs above it I'm on the floor. I for instance can't watch series or films based upon true stories. I once watched this film because an actor (who played in the Charmed series as the youngest son of Piper) was in it and I was curious of his acting ability besides Charmed. First of all it was a horrible film with loads of blood and fake vampires and murdering and not fun. Secondly, at the end of the film was a disclaimer that said that everything I've just seen was a reenactment of something that has happened for real. I couldn't sleep for about two weeks and when I think of it I get shiverings down my spine! Nightmares! Horror!

But yeah, back on the needles and blood road. It's quite funny (funny not being the appropiate word) that someone like me who practically lives in and out of hospitals is affraid of something I have to undertake almost everytime I'm there. You'd think that at some point I could accept the needle and just go with the flow (that's a blood joke. Like, once the needle is in it flows out of your body and stuff... I know it's not a good one). But no. Even the thought of it can bring me down, literally. So I'm apparently not ready to settle down with it yet, but I can't afford to keep fainting every time they threaten with the needle. Thus I came up with a list to calm me down. Disclaimer -like who puts their disclaimers at the end?! it always goes first so we know what's going on and can turn it off- this list doesn't always help and it's very personal. Like, after I wake up from an operation I always 1) scream my longs out because there's a needle in my arm 2) sing as loud as I can One Love by Blue and 3) my mum tries to shush me because there are people who try to wake up from an operation less violently. It's just how the world works.

Step 1, 2, 6 and 9 might sound like something obvious, but I've experienced that when there's something very stressful going on, I simply stop breathing. So it's a great reminder for me that I shouldn't do that. 
Step 3 and 7 is a manner of diversion. I've settled down with one specific song that I only sing in hospital-times (aka the hospital song, it's quite easy to guess when you know what it's about). Because when I'm busy singing, I can't think about the situation (hereby I should clear up that I mostly mime the words and don't say them out loud. I tried to do it just in my head, but than I give myself a chance to think and that's the thing I'm trying to avoid). 
It's, I guess, something very human to look at the thing you're afraid of and than freak out. So step 4, 5 and 8 reminds me that if I look, I freak out and potentially faint. I once spoke with someone who's also afraid of needles but has to keep looking at it otherwise she freaks out. Funny, not?
Last but not least step 10, because some motivation is needed to not simply drop on the floor.

So yeah, I hope this will help my fellow needle and blood-lovers. If not, well try to stand on the right spot so you don't faint against a mirror or something...


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