Bloggy Blog Blogging: Just Some Thoughts
I think in the darkest moments, we need a break.
I'm a thinker. (Not to be confused with The Thinker).
It's 17:21. Dinner is being cooked (by my mum). I'm sipping tea and knitting the second sleeve of a jumper. It's 33 degrees outside. I'm melting. (So sipping tea and knitting aren't probably the best options, but, ya know, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do). I'm writing this, as was the last post, as an email to myself, on my phone (although I've got the 'official' Blogger app; I don't know how it works and don't -to some extend- care about how it works...). I didn't really feel like writing a blogpost but I also somewhat do... I'm -as mentioned (again) in previous post- a complicated creature. There are a few things I'd like to mention on here, before I melt any further into a puddle of regret and 'what ifs' (not in anyway related to the things I want to write, but still, don't you hate when that happens?). However food's ready, so first: let's eat! *bon appetite*
It's 17:54. (We're fast eaters). Let's do this:
1. There's a short article up at AMFI about the 'specialised course' I took this year. My face and quote are featured (I'm a fake! My picture is the only pic in colour... not very artsy, I know... what a mistake! What a fake! Also, is it me or isn't it funny that the first quote mentioned is from someone who ISN'T a fashion student). Thank you Clemency, you did a lovely job writing this article!
2. Sonia 'the queen of knitwear' Rykiel has died today. Sad, sad, sad. I always loved her creations and admired her for what she's achieved throughout her life. It's always weird when someone famous dies. Especially someone you appreciate and liked and admired, but not that (famous) someone that's on your mind on a daily basis. Someone you know, you remember but in this case also someone you from time to time mildly forget. Someone you'll quietly mourn about, for a little, but then soon will be able to look at her/her work without too many sentiment, too many mixed emotions, sad thoughts (the stuff that chokes you up, wakes you up in the middle of the night, makes you wipe away tears after tears in a sudden, ridiculously 'nothing special' moment. But then to realize that this person too, this famous but not 'that kind of' famous person, this person that you're not 'emotionally invested in' (say in the grander scheme the people you obsess about, the people you keep as a moral compass, and more close to home: family) is still someone who does play one of these roles for (to) someone else. How do you cope? How do you act? How do you do?
3. I'm very aware of cheese. Cheese this, cheese that. Don't get me wrong: I really like cheese. Cheese is amazing (and weird). However, as I say to my mum everytime I have some cheese, "it's not very vegan." Not that I am vegan (I want to be, though. But it's 'hard' in relation to my medical diet. At the moment I see myself as a veg+: more than vegetarian less than vegan). As said: I'm very aware of cheese lately and the 'amount' of cheese I eat on a daily basis (not to suggest that I only eat cheese, piles and piles of cheese, day in day out, what a thought, what a disgrace! Gives the word 'kaaskoppen' (= cheese heads, often used to refer to 'us' Dutchies) a whole other meaning...).
4. "Be specific", this quote by Vivienne Westwood keeps popping up in my head. Don't know why. Good advice, though.
5. Stevie, formerly from The Velvet Epidemic now from Stevie Georgina (is it weird to refer to someone's blog that's the same as her name but, like, her blog. Should I just casually say "oh, you know, Stevie" or, like, more professionally "the artist formerly known as The Velvet Epidemic"? I should ask her...), wrote in her latest blogpost about her and her relationship towards 'the internet'. What I took from it: internet vs reality (reality in the sense of reallife opposed to virtual reality based on the World Wide Web (and not in the sense of French (of course) philosopher Baudrillard 'NOTHING IS REAL'). As she wrote: "The internet is shit. It makes me feel guilty. It probably makes you feel guilty, too. Everyone is plugging away at their blog, perfecting their online presence. Everyone is ~ creating a personal brand ~".
In many ways I can relate to Stevie and her position. And also in many ways I can't. That's to say: I don't really feel the pressure from either 'reality' (or from myself) towards my relationship with the internet. Although, I am writing this post on a whim to go up on a day planned and I would find it 'uneasy' if I didn't do that (also: feeling the 'need' to apologise for posting this 'too late' but then to be awaken by the cruel fact that no one actually cares but me...). You know what, scrap what I typed above (don't you love it when you disagree with yourself mid-thought, I mean, my brain is a hypocrite): Hear! Hear! I feel ya girl! Maybe, probably, most likely not like you, Stevie, do. But I do believe that the internet in many ways is a curse. A BLOODY CURSE! (But also, like, quite nice and good and helpful (sometimes (a little bit)). Anyway. Come back soon Stevie, I love you!!
(To add, a question to myself, to you (?): what's my personal brand? I've been reading up about this and other posts like 'how to get people to actually read your blog' etc. and the main trick is to be consistent. However I don't want to be consistent, I want to be specific. (see previous point) Therewith: Is a personal brand per definition wrong? Or is it wrong when the 'personal' becomes seen synonymous to the 'brand' whereby self expression turns into something different -a representation- of that what you 'are'. Or more Deleuzean: of what you become; thereby is a 'brand' or the concept of a brand too 'steady' (consistent) to represent 'personal' in the first place and is therefore not only limiting but mostly hurting? Hurting yourself in your way of defining this 'self' to the world? The pressure to represent a 'self' accordingly (through the internet/because of the internet)? And naturally, when dragging Deleuze into this thinking session, is the idea of representing something (someone) not always something bad or wrong because it isn't what it says it is? You are not what you say you are? You are not what you 'brand' yourself to be? I don't know. What do you think?).
It's 19:39. I give up. This is it. Hope you enjoy it. Next week hopefully another (better) (more planned) post...
It's 19:54. Grabbed my laptop. Copied and pasted the text from my email onto blogger.
It's 20:02. CRISIS. What kind of pictures should I add to this?? Also: title??
It's 20:17. Decided the title to be the same as the subject I'd send the email with. 'Original'.
It's 20:19. Battery is running low. Decided to go on Tumblr for some pics. Haven't been on there for like a month. I quite like Tumblr.
It's 20:28. Looked into my own 'archive', saw these pictures of Claude Monet's home in Giverny. They seem so sentimental, nostalgic perhaps. They simply seem to beam the lingering idea of summer, of home. Something, a place, that isn't real. That doesn't really exist (except in photographs like these. Photographs that stand apart from you. That don't belong to you. Photographs that once, maybe, were real, but never as they seem to be (and never attached to you or 'your' reality)).
It's 20:53. (Just. Saw the numbers switch when looking at the clock). Getting cold feet. Doubting if this is 'good enough' (whatever that may entail). Contemplating if mum should read it first.
It's 20:54. I'm going to let my mum read this first before I publish it. She won't be pleased. She's watching Midsomer Murders. I like Midsomer Murders. Am I wasting my time writing this blogpost? Should I just sit back, relax, and watch some Brits catch some murderers? We'll find out shortly...
It's 21:06. Mum, indeed, wasn't thrilled by my request. However: she's read it. She approves it. Here we go...